Lame Duck Sauce

If I See Teethmarks

Someone gets my foot up their ass.

The Kid came home from daycare last week with teethmarks on his right arm. Apparently, one of his 'friends' became a little frustrated when The Kid, not one to be shy, decided to invade The Biter's personal space for a longer period of time than usual. Okay, we're still working on the whole 'personal space' issue with The Kid. God knows I hate it when European tourists (okay tourists in general) approach me, come up to within three inches of my face and ask me for directions to the nearest 'Water Closet'(whatever the hell that is). So I GUESS I can understand the reaction of a toddler when one of his peers enjoys hugging with a socially harmful frequency. That being said, a normal human being's reflex to this odd behavior typically entails a more subtle non-verbal cue (major emphasis on subtle), or a direct verbal statement spelling out the boundaries of the interaction. Due to the unsubtle nature of The Biter's reflex, I believe a can of whoopass is in order. 'Incensed' was too rosy a description of my initial reaction upon discovering The Kid's ordeal that day. And since it would be wrong for me to vent my frustrations on either The Kid or Senora C that day, guess what I did instead? Nope, I left the scotch at the wetbar, and instead wrote my congressman. Expect coverage on newly drafted legislation legalizing the biting of overzealous tourists once August recess has ended. All in a days work of a concerned parent.

posted by Senor C @ 11:08 AM 0 comments

We The People...

An abnormal blogger I am. Staying miles away from 99% of the personal in all of my previous posts combined, I now submit myself before the blogging gods. Heretofore, I shall oversee a singular blog devoted to the day-in and day-outness of being a fully armed an operational baby daddy. Welcome to Lame Duck Sauce(*). For those of you incapable of comprehending my posts with the grammatically sanctioned dadspeak, at your request, I may provide a brief synopsis of any and all posts in boring, everyday English.

Lame Duck Sauce rules and regs:

1. If you are a parental unit in possession of your own sub-units, please identify yourself appropriately in the comments section. Otherwise, I shall assume that your knowledge in the lame duck arena to be non-existent, therefore without merit on any and all matters relating to this blog.

2. Any cursewords (except for mine) are subject to immediate deletion, UNLESS said curse word is preceded by the word EARMUFFS.

3. Unlike some of my other work, what normally comes across as sarcasm is actually hopelessness, fear, or bordlerine lunacy, or a combination of all of the above. Interventions are more than welcome!

(*)Disclaimer: Lame Duck Sauce is not a name in the vein of Juicy Pork Buns. In fact, it was the ONLY alternative to naming this blog "3AM Paternal", a thoughtful yet obscure early 90s pop culture reference, also implying that most of my serious parenting actually occurs around 3 in the morning.

posted by Senor C @ 10:25 AM 0 comments